If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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