hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.