The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
