as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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