Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
