so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
