I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
