brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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