We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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