The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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