Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
