i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
