I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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