i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
