Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
