every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
