I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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