What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
