I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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