They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
