i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
