you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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