i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize