That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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