You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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