Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
