she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
