Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
