When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
