Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
