it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.