Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
