bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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