it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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