We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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