i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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