Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
