He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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