I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
