Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
