never play flip cup with pint glasses
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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