I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
