Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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