i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
