You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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