I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
