i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
