Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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