Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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