Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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