fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
