I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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