I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
