I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
