My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
