Your dad touched me again.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The adults are the big ones right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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