I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
