It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
