kristin has been a bad kristin
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
