So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
