My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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